*This is the first installment of How to have fun with the human, by Woody
I like to call this - Keep 'em down! This can be quite a challenging task actually, don't let the easy sounding name fool you.
1. First of all, plan and plot the game with perfect precision. This is what I do all day when human is away. I make meticulous notes, then pass them onto the others I implicate in my schemes. They can't read and Pooh Bear just eats the notes, but I like to think that *some* of it sinks in...
First of all - the most important thing, there has to be LOTS of snow!
2. Getting the human a bit tired to begin with will help you win this game. Here's what I do: get the human to take you out on a loooong walk on a Friday night right after work. Y'know, so they're kinda tired to begin with. Let them take the other yahoos out for a walk first, and make sure it's in a foot of fresh snows so they come back kind of tired.
3. When it's your turn for a walk, get the human more tired by running at them, jumping on them - oh! And eat some poo too! They hate it when you do that, and they will come running for BLOCKS to stop you, haha. They're soooo slow though. I could eat a bucket full o' poo before the human actually caught up with me.
3. Then, when they try and do that stupid "I'm-gonna-hide-on-the-dogs-who-just-took-off-down-the-trail-hee-hee" nonsense when you are not looking, turn around and RUNBACKFAST!!! You have to pay close attention because if your human is anything like mine, they do this A LOT!!! And think it will work every time. It doesn't. Well, it does sometimes. Either way, they think it's hilarious. It's not.
Running back fast will throw them off and before they have found their magical hiding spot, they'll have to admit defeat.
3. This is where the real fun begins. They will probably try to sink down in the snow to hide, hoping we might run by, but we are smarter than that! YOU MUST FIND THEM. And then when you do - run at them FULL SPEED. When they try to stand up, do everything in your power to thwart that effort. It is HILARIOUS!!! And soooo fun to do in deep snow!!! Like so:
Jump on their head when they try to get up!
if you constantly jump at them, they will NOT be able to get up!! The more you do this, the more they screech and yell, that means they are having FUN!
You can buck like a bronco (to confuse them and momentarily stun them), jump on them, get the others to help KEEP 'EM DOWN, really your only limit is your imagination.
And when they are unable to move and laying on the ground motionless for a few minutes, that means you WIN!!!!!
Now I hope you will go out and do the same thing with your humans. It really makes them appreciate you. In fact, I heard my human say something about taking me somewhere on a fun trip after we played this game! I can't wait to go to this "animal shelter" place she talked about!!! Wheeeee!!!!!
*(this is an actual event that happened a few weeks ago, as told from Woody's perspective)