Sunday, January 22, 2012

Evil teachers = frozen children

We are having a LOVELY cold snap right now, temperatures are hovering around -35C and it is just FANTASTIC!! Oh yes, we all love it and brag to our friends/relatives in Florida (or other warm places) and tell them just how much they're missing out. Y'know, like what the heck do you people do with no snow? Make sandmen? And with no ice fog? See clearly while driving? No frost on the windshields? Also see clearly while driving? No "square" tires? Drive a smooth, non-bumpy ride to work? How boring.

I kid. We are complaining like the earth is going to become a frozen solid block at any moment. We whine. We complain. And then we complain some more. And we buy hot chocolate and drink tea and wear onesie pj's from the moment we get home until the moment we go to bed.  And then we say, WHY are we living in the frozen north? None of us has an answer. So we stay. 

The cold reminds me of a moment in my  childhood which I'm pretty sure I'm not exaggerating in my memory.  The teachers would do anything to throw us outside and have a moments peace. 

I remember it like it was yesterday.  Let me start from the beginning.

One fine, mid-winter morning, I was a happy child. I was all ready to go to school and learn and see my friends and not get into trouble for distracting the class. My mom made my brother and I a nice breakfast as we got along smashingly all the time:

After we were content with a belly full of food, we were ready to go do some learning!

Eager beavers that we were, I met up with my BFF Krystal (Best Friend Forever, except for those 2-4 yrs we hated each other) down the street.

We always walked to school, which was normally a 10-minute walk. But that was when you weren't blinded by a blizzard and slowed down by the 90 km/hr wind gusts.

We were bundled up because the wind was so nasty and all we could see was each others eyeballs.

We walked and walked and tried to get there as fast as we could. Every once in awhile we'd peer over our clothing to make sure the other was still there. That's true friendship. 

We eventually made it to school. Frosty eyelashes and semi-frozen eyeballs, but we made it.

It was a massive relief to get into the school! Nice and toasty warm, we took off our boots and parkas and snowpants and gloves and hats and fleece jackets and scarves and wool socks over regular socks, and were ready for the day.

I recall discussing how much fun recess was going to be - as I just assumed we'd be spending it inside, given the -47C windchill factor.  We LOVED indoor recess!  Teachers hid in their "special teacher's lounge" so we could run around the school, hide in closets and throw toilet paper at each other. It was going to be fun!

And warm.

So imagine our horror when 10:15 rolled around and our teacher said:

"Oh, don't be so dramatic you guys. It's not that cold out. Now go get dressed, you have 2 minutes... GO!"

As we cried our way to the coat racks, we questioned how the teachers would explain our frozen 10 year old bodies to our parents.

The teachers quickly ushered us out the side door and didn't just close the door behind, they LOCKED IT!!!  I am not kidding, they totally locked us out.

So there we were, all huddled up in the small protected area just outside the school doors. We banged on the door for what seemed like hours, with no teachers in sight.

We acted like a herd of adolescent musk-ox - crying, whining, pushing each other and finally gathering in a large circle with the smallest kids on the inside. Our little brains instinctively knew that this circular formation gave us the best chance of survival. 

The banging on the door didn't help, feigning injury didn't help, screaming "we're seriously FREEEEZING!!!" didn't help and the pseudo-mob/musk-ox formation definitely didn't help the teachers hear (or care about) our plea.

We were screwed and we knew it.

And all we could do was picture our teachers, in the nice warm building. They were probably eating donuts, drinking lattes and watching Dr. Phil by the fire on their big screen tv in the "special teachers lounge" - the secret room we were NEVER allowed to go in.

I was so traumatized during that recess, that I don't even remember the rest of the day. I'm pretty sure I froze some brain cells. That poor generation, we all could have been much smarter had our teachers not been so evil.

Why they felt the need to get away from us so badly, I'll never know!


Matt, Kara, Hunter and Cavan said...

I am ready to curl up into the fetal position and cry! You have brought back so many of my own horrible childhood memories! ahahaha

dogsled_stacie said...

Oh wow, intended humour = traumatizing my readers!!! Yikes! Did not expect that... ha!

Fawn said...

I might curl up in fetal position, too, but only from laughing so hard. I'm loving these illustrated posts.

Anonymous said...

Hey your lucky you hada nice breakfast that day. Usually I just threw a piece of bread at you. Ha ha. You are such a drama queen. When you did get home you went right out to play. I don't remember any fireplace in that special teacher room or any latees . Okay we did get donuts once in a while. Just think how healthy that cold weather made you.

Doug Rutherford said...

What can I say? I'm a sucker for cartoons.

dogsled_stacie said...

Mom, as a former teacher - I know you are under the lifelong secrecy to NEVER divulge what was in that lounge. So I don't buy it!

Fawn - glad you are not as traumatized as Kara!

Doug - "cartoons" should be used loosely, more like chicken-scrawl vaguely resembling humans (and dogs)!

Marg said...

Hey, my comment didn't post!!! I wrote a very long one so maybe that's why, save room for everyone else. This could be a new career for you Staci, love the cartooning.

Anonymous said...

Okay, left to right on the header, we have:

Pooh Bear, then George has the dark face, underneath is _________, then is it Lucy with the big smile, then Woody who hates farms, then Harris, then Lucy and Gracie together, then the cute dark dog on the top is _______, the blond dog is ___________, and then DOGSLED STACIE!

Did I get any of them right? Did I at least get Pooh Bear right?