We are having a LOVELY cold snap right now, temperatures are hovering around -35C and it is just FANTASTIC!! Oh yes, we all love it and brag to our friends/relatives in Florida (or other warm places) and tell them just how much they're missing out. Y'know, like what the heck do you people do with no snow? Make sandmen? And with no ice fog? See clearly while driving? No frost on the windshields? Also see clearly while driving? No "square" tires? Drive a smooth, non-bumpy ride to work? How boring.
I kid. We are complaining like the earth is going to become a frozen solid block at any moment. We whine. We complain. And then we complain some more. And we buy hot chocolate and drink tea and wear onesie pj's from the moment we get home until the moment we go to bed. And then we say, WHY are we living in the frozen north? None of us has an answer. So we stay.
The cold reminds me of a moment in my childhood which I'm pretty sure I'm not exaggerating in my memory. The teachers would do anything to throw us outside and have a moments peace.
I remember it like it was yesterday. Let me start from the beginning.
One fine, mid-winter morning, I was a happy child. I was all ready to go to school and learn and see my friends and not get into trouble for distracting the class. My mom made my brother and I a nice breakfast as we got along smashingly all the time:
After we were content with a belly full of food, we were ready to go do some learning!
Eager beavers that we were, I met up with my BFF Krystal (Best Friend Forever, except for those 2-4 yrs we hated each other) down the street.
We always walked to school, which was normally a 10-minute walk. But that was when you weren't blinded by a blizzard and slowed down by the 90 km/hr wind gusts.
We were bundled up because the wind was so nasty and all we could see was each others eyeballs.
We walked and walked and tried to get there as fast as we could. Every once in awhile we'd peer over our clothing to make sure the other was still there. That's true friendship.
We eventually made it to school. Frosty eyelashes and semi-frozen eyeballs, but we made it.
It was a massive relief to get into the school! Nice and toasty warm, we took off our boots and parkas and snowpants and gloves and hats and fleece jackets and scarves and wool socks over regular socks, and were ready for the day.
I recall discussing how much fun recess was going to be - as I just assumed we'd be spending it inside, given the -47C windchill factor. We LOVED indoor recess! Teachers hid in their "special teacher's lounge" so we could run around the school, hide in closets and throw toilet paper at each other. It was going to be fun!
And warm.
So imagine our horror when 10:15 rolled around and our teacher said:
"Oh, don't be so dramatic you guys. It's not that cold out. Now go get dressed, you have 2 minutes... GO!"
As we cried our way to the coat racks, we questioned how the teachers would explain our frozen 10 year old bodies to our parents.
The teachers quickly ushered us out the side door and didn't just close the door behind, they LOCKED IT!!! I am not kidding, they totally locked us out.
So there we were, all huddled up in the small protected area just outside the school doors. We banged on the door for what seemed like hours, with no teachers in sight.
We acted like a herd of adolescent musk-ox - crying, whining, pushing each other and finally gathering in a large circle with the smallest kids on the inside. Our little brains instinctively knew that this circular formation gave us the best chance of survival.
The banging on the door didn't help, feigning injury didn't help, screaming "we're seriously FREEEEZING!!!" didn't help and the pseudo-mob/musk-ox formation definitely didn't help the teachers hear (or care about) our plea.
We were screwed and we knew it.
And all we could do was picture our teachers, in the nice warm building. They were probably eating donuts, drinking lattes and watching Dr. Phil by the fire on their big screen tv in the "special teachers lounge" - the secret room we were NEVER allowed to go in.
I was so traumatized during that recess, that I don't even remember the rest of the day. I'm pretty sure I froze some brain cells. That poor generation, we all could have been much smarter had our teachers not been so evil.
Why they felt the need to get away from us so badly, I'll never know!
